Jax Ren: The Fallen Knight
by rey-is-bey
Summary: What if Han and Leia also had a daughter, but they had no idea she was still alive because Kylo has her? Growing up as children, they were very close. When the Knights of Ren appeared and slayed the Jedis, Kylo took his younger sister, Jaina, with him. Flash forward many years later, following the destruction of Starkiller, Jaina, (now Jax Ren) feels a new force pulling at her.
1. Introduction to Jax Ren

I perfectly and clearly remember the day my world changed drastically. Looking back on all of it now, I can actually see the slow decay prior. I can see the slow decay that tore my family apart.

I was young then. Younger than my brother - my childhood hero and confidant. We were inseparable.

I admired my parents and loved their odd, yet supportive relationship. We had a large group of friends who all cared and protected one another. Everything _seemed_ perfect.

I was ten when my world went to hell.

I was ten when a massacre took place before my eyes and left me alone. Left me, a slave to the shell of my childhood hero.

I _had_ given up all ideas of hope. I gave into the darkness believing that that day was the end of all things good. I allowed them to turn me into someone my true, inner self could no longer recognize.

Then.

I felt it.

We _all_ felt it.

A light re-entered the universe from somewhere far away. And a battle began within me. A battle that I had long forgotten how terrible it felt to be truly torn apart inside.

The Force woke up.

And, now I knew, I could no longer hide in the shadow of my brother.

The force told me to move. To get going. To find a better place.

But I am afraid.

And, to be a Skywalker, is to be afraid.


	2. Chapter One - My Brother

_Ben held out his hand. He had removed his black and metal helmet at this point. The helmet I had never even seen before._

 _"Why did he have that? Where did he get it?" I remembered my brain replaying this questions over and over like a broken droid unit._

 _"Jaina! Please! We have to go!" he yelled out through the rain. His desperation clicked in my brain._

 _My brother. Go with him. He will keep me safe._

 _I took his black, gloved hand in mine. He pulled me up softly from the thick mud I had collapsed in to hid against a tree. I had hid there like he told me to. I hid there, listening to the sounds of screaming and other scary things I couldn't comprehend at the age of nine._

 _I had been practicing. Everything was fine._

 _He told me to hide._

 _Then, everyone was dead._

 _Ben led me through the giant, flat, muddy landscape to a ship. The ship's red lights created a stark light on the field. My eyes couldn't leave the dozens of bodies lying everywhere. I had never seen a dead body before._

 _I looked up at my brother. His helmet had been put back on. All of his friends, tall like him, had their helmets on too...Like they had something to hide._

 _We boarded the ship._

 _He sat me down while someone piloted the ship into space._

 _"Ben, where's Mom and Dad?" I asked as he wrapped a towel around me._

 _He stood up very straight. He was quiet. I shivered in the cold of the ship._

 _Ben removed his helmet and knelt down. His face was all scrunched...mad, sad...both?_

 _"They are dead, Jaina," he told me. His voice was soft and slow._

 _Even then, somehow, I knew he was lying. No, I definitely knew. The force showed me the truth. But I just nodded. The other shocks of the day were already too much to handle._

 _Ben took my little hand in his again._

 _"So is Luke," he says. "We are all we have now."_

 _"Where's Rey and Chewie and-," I started to question. A panic grew in my chest._

 _"Gone!" he suddenly screamed at me._

 _I cowered in my seat._

 _That was when I learned to never ask questions._

 _His voice was suddenly soft and quiet again, like a patient teacher._

 _"We have a new family now."_

 _I watched as he looked over at the other figures in the room. All dark. All masked. Monsters in a nine year old's eyes. I didn't want a new family. I wanted mine._

 _"And we have a new master."_

* * *

I relive that day every morning.

You know that time in the early hours when you are still vulnerable to your imagination? When your brain brings back the memories you never wanted to revive.

The nightmares and past visions have been growing more common. They plague my days. I can no longer sleep for more than an hour before one wakes me up in a puddle of sweat.

Every time I am ripped from my sleep, I sit in the middle of my room and meditate.

The force is really my only family. My only comfort.

Ben became Kylo, leaving my brother back on that field of slain Jedis.

I remember when I learned to never call him Ben again. That lesson left a permanent wound on my ear that took away most of the hearing on my left side. I was eleven.

He hasn't been my brother since. Just Kylo, a Knight of Ren, like me.

The Knights of Ren, led by Kylo, are slaves to Supreme Leader Snoke and his will.

I am his silent assassin. I do not travel with the First Order. I am a rogue moving through the galaxy doing whatever Snoke asks of me. He allows me to study any old holocrons I find, as long as I bring them back to him fully intact. I have become strong due to the information I have learned, both from ancient Siths and ancient Jedis.

I stand up from my meditation. I have been here for three hours trying to calm myself down. But too much is going on inside me.

I head out of my room down the hallway of our temple and home base.

The two Knights stand at attention outside of Snoke's room. They are always here.

I walk by them without as much as a glance.

I am not supposed to exist. They never acknowledge me. Only Snoke speaks to me.

He immediately knows why I am here.

"What are you afraid of, Jax?"

I kneel down in front of his chair. My eyes look at the floor. It is shiny and reflect my face back to me. I can see my eyebrows drawn together in fear.

"Master, I feel so much conflict within me," I say.

"That is understandable. The universe has been awoken in a way that I have never known. I, too, feel the conflict."

Then he murmurs something. I stay quiet knowing he is searching me for what troubles me.

"I feel hatred in you. For the first time ever. Why is that?"

I look up at him. Confused. I don't feel it.

"Look inside. Feel the hate. Who is it for?" he leans forward in his chair.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"Mmmmm," Snoke says, "Kylo."

I open my eyes in a silent understanding and agreement.

"Who do I feel this all of the sudden, Master?" I ask.

Snoke stands up and paces in front his chair. His movements are slow and methodical and show his age.

"Kylo killed Ben Solo's father. I believe that you feel that."

I watch Snoke as he looks at me for a response. I keep my mind clear and calm.

"Starkiller base was destroyed by the Resistance. General Huxley and Kylo Ren just returned. But they were able to destroy the main planets of the Republic."

I nod, "that is good. I would disprove of their actions if they failed to make some kind of dent in the Republic."

"Kylo is going to complete his training now."

I clench my jaw. Jealous that Kylo is always the favorite.

"What will you have me do, Master?"

"Find Luke Skywalker."

I look at him questioningly.

"Yes, he is alive. Find him and his apprentice. Kill Luke. Bring me the apprentice."

I stand up and bow deeply, "yes, Master."

"And Jax, use any means necessary to complete this task."

I know that this means I am allowed to use the force powers and sith magic long supressed in the universe. I am allowed to use anything I have learned along my way.

I bow again and leave the room.

As I walk down the hall I see Huxley and Kylo. Kylo limps behind Huxley. A large scar marks his face, and I do not see his helmet in his arms nor his saber.

His eyes meet mine. For the first time since childhood, I see sadness in his eyes. Then when he really read my eyes, I see confusion and conflict. I think because, for the first time in a long time, my brother is showing through Kylo, and all he sees in my eyes is hatred for him. His little sister, who once loved and looked up to him…cannot stand the sight of him.

I turn my head without a word and keep walking.

He killed _my_ father. And I may not be Jaina anymore, but I will hate Kylo for her.


	3. Chapter Two - The Journey Begins

I walk through the meal room used by the Stormtroopers assigned to supply Snoke with extra military protection if the need arise. They are eating their breakfast, and in the most casual state they are allowed. This is the only time they can show their faces outside of sleeping or reconditioning.

I often help with the reconditioning when I am in the base.

Being able to reach into their minds makes it very easy for me to remind them how dangerous their life would become if they slipped up. Huxley would prefer that he or Phasma do this kind of work, but Snoke believes that we can have more control on the weak-minded.

They see me when I walk in. It is easy to pick out of the crowd of faces those whom I have reconditioned. I hate that it is like that, but at the same time I feel the power grow in me when I see their fear.

I grab a piece of stale bread and continue on my way to the small ship, _Grantzen_ , Snoke gave me. It is neither New Order nor Republic, just some small speeder from a random planet. This keeps any stranger out there in my travels from knowing that I have any kind of association whatsoever. When I leave this base, I might as well be a normal bounty hunter.

I have all kinds of ties, extremely positive, to different clans and clubs and federations that are criminal in nature. It helps Snoke have an underground understanding of the business happening in this quadrant. Then Huxley can make diplomatic deals or the Knight of Ren will take out any useless groups.

I start preparing _Grantzen_ for the journey.

"About to leave, Jax?" a mechanical voice says behind me.

I turn to see E-Ako Ren. He is basically a scout or spy for Snoke, so we do similar work. He has a permanent mask due to an injury to his vocal chords which caused serious damage.

I nod as I lift up a pack of supplies to carry onboard. E-Ako follows me into the ship.

"I have been assigned to scout of the rebel base in charge of the destruction of Starkiller. Why is it that you and I are always left to clean up Kylo and Hux's messes?" he asks.

I look at the blue-glowing eyes of his helmet trying to remember what he once looked like.

"I am not sure E-Ako, but I do know that Kylo is about to complete his training. Become a real Sith Lord," I say slipping the pack of supplies into a shelf built in the wall.

E-Ako makes some kind of grunt behind his mask. "Of course. Where are you headed?"

"A very far quadrant. Some kind of super ancient Jedi temple that Luke might have hidden in at some point. Supreme Leader wants to see if I can find any sort of evidence of where Luke is hiding," I lie knowing that Snoke would want me to.

E-Ako nods. My eyes slip to his incredibly customized lightsaber attached to his hip.

Snoke taught us all the importance of truly making our own sabers. Everyone's is very unique. He has two half disc-blades that perfectly curve around his fists. He basically punches his way in a fight, but is surprisingly good at it.

I am a dual-wielder. My crystals were recycled from old Jedi and Sith sabers I found at old locations. One is purple with an ice-blue core, from a Jedi, and the other is a white saber with a black core, from a Sith.

Having two shorter sabers allows me to sneak up behind my targets and kill them very easily.

"That's it?" he asks, not accusingly. More concerned that Snoke gave me such a small assignment.

I nod.

"Take me to D'Qar on your way?" he asks.

I nod again.

We set to finishing up loading the ship.

Then we take off. E-Ako enters the coordinates for the area right outside of D'Qar.

I go into light speed.

"Are we going to be fired on?" I ask.

"I have no idea."

We leave light speed. The planet in front of us is mostly green land.

I do not see any large structures any where within view. They must be underground, or completely on the other side.

I reach over to my separate search index and look for a possible criminal safe port on this planet.

My eyes scan the screen.

E-Ako curses next to me, "shit."

I look up to see a group of three x-wings approaching us. None are firing yet, which is a good sign.

"Hide the sabers," E-Ako says starting to stand up.

"Sit down, they can see us," I growl.

My radio signal syncs to theirs entering the chatter with them.

 _"Grantzen_ please respond."

I turn on my radio and make sure I speak a language native to this region.

"This is _Grantzen_. Looking for a place to refuel. Are there any ports safe for mercenaries on D'Qar?"

"Follows us to a refueling port used for traders. Then we will escort you off the planet after you refuel."

"Thank you, will follow," I reply.

We follow them to the port. It isn't far in.

"Just sneak away while I refuel," I say. "I'll figure out the rest."

E-Ako nods.

I land the ship. Luckily, we both had already changed our clothing to look like mercenaries or traders.

I walk off first. I am greeted by an attendant who clearly wears a Republic crest.

"Fuel?" she ask.

I nod hiding all matters of disgust. I bring on my second identity.

"Yeah, and please don't scratch the fuel port like the last dumbass did," I say being good and gruff.

The lady rolls her eyes, obviously used to the blunt and unkind mercenaries.

"Got any water stations?" E-Ako asks another attendant.

They motion in the general direction of the station.

E-Ako turns to me and nods slowly. I know that that means he is going to head out now and escape. I need to be on guard now. No mistakes.

Everything continues to run smoothly. I pull out some trading coins and look up around the open-air fort.

A lot of transports and trading ships are busily packing up supplies and people.

Then. I feel it.

My eyes land on someone I was not quite ready to see.

And unfortunately, she sees me too.

 _Mom._


	4. Chapter Three - D'Qar

**WHOA. HTML had a bit of a freakout. I apologize.**

* * *

 **Hi there. I just wanted to say hello and a lot of thank you's for all of you who have found my fanfic interesting enough to stick around this long. I am not new to the Star Wars universe, but new to writing fanfiction.**  
 **There is a lot more to Jaina/Jax Ren's story left. Enjoy, and may the force be with you.**

* * *

Before I have a chance to react, I am running. My feet sprint to my ship and kick the fuel attendant over harshly. They yell out as I detach the fuel line sending fuel spraying all over them and the concrete. I close up my fuel line and race for my ship's door.

E-Ako must have heard the disruption, because he is standing there watching from afar.

I mouth to him, "leave, just go. Finish your mission."

The place is now in a fury. Anyone not wanting to be caught up in the mess has made a b-line for the exits, while guards are trying to run through the crowd.

He nods and takes off with the rest of the people trying to get out.

I try to run through the spilling fuel towards the door as guards move in and cut me off.

I freeze trying to think of a plan. Looking around everywhere wondering if I had even really seen my, I mean, Jaina's mother.

 _I could jump over them. Take off...Outrun the Resistance fleet..._ As I think about it more, that plan sucks.

"Hands up!" one of the guards calls out to me.

I slowly raise my hands using this movement to my advantage. I send the fuel cart high into the air.

The guards watch it and quickly realize that the planet's gravity will turn the cart into a bomb. I wait for the opportune moment and take off in a force sprint. The cart hits the ground. Even being 100 feet away by the time it hits, I am still thrown forward knocking my breath out of me.

I shake the ringing out of my ears and quickly stand up gathering my bearings. I run for the nearest exit as the alarms start blaring into the afternoon air.

I hear blasters firing at me from behind as I clear the exit. _Just get to the trees. Hide there._

A few guards manage to catch up with me. I whip out my light sabers as I run. This wasn't something they were expecting so a few actually stop the chase.  
Three guards stay with me though. I turn and slice one right across the chest. The other two start firing as their comrade falls down, dead. I block their blasters with my sabers. I use one of the blasts and reflect it back on the guard killing him instantly.

The last one just shoots like all of his life depends on it. I turn. Angry to have him still following me.

I block every shot as I approach him slowly. I send every blast to the side, then, I put my saber right into his chest.

He looks at me. Shocked, yet…peaceful.

I turn my lightsabers off, as I kick him away from me feeling disgusted either by him, or by me. As his body drops out of my view, I see her again. She is just standing there, at a safe distance, watching me. I watch her, trying to figure out if she is real or just some nightmare I am having awake.

I then look around remembering that more guards will probably show up. I look at her again, still there, she just nods at me like she has confirmed that I am me. Even this far away, I can see the tears in her eyes.

I freeze.

Tears suddenly build in my eyes.

I am breaking right here. And I hate it.

The world turns blurry through my tears. It is like the last decade of emotions has hit me at once.

Dozens of footsteps approach, but I have no will in me to kill them anymore.

I just scream out as I hit my knees. I clutch my sabers tightly as the conflict within causes me to just yell. I want them to capture me, to rescue me. I am just very afraid of the consequences I will receive later. Almost scared enough to just fight. Almost. I could kill all of them. The force is more dangerous and powerful than any of them know.  
But I can't move a limb.

Hands grab me, lifting me onto my feet, removing the sabers from me. I am shackled around the wrists and ankles. I fight them, but not really out of fear, just habit. Once they get me subdued, I am led inside one of the buildings.

For some odd reason, I am not afraid. Once they sit me in a chair, my body calms down.

I look around the room trying to read the faces of the guards staring at me. One of them respectfully places my light sabers on a table nearby. The same guard walks over. He has dark brown hair and similar brown eyes.

"Do you have any other weapons on you?" he asks. His voice is deep, yet soft.

I nod and flick my eyes down to my hip. A blaster is attached to my belt beneath my coat.

A guard, a woman, pulls back my jacket and takes the gun out of its holster.

While she sits it down next to my sabers, the man pulls a chair over and sits down in front of me. Most of the other guards leave. Just the lady and one other guy stay behind. Now, I am just sniffling away the emotions I had. My eyes are puffy. I hate that I must look weak to them.

I set my jaw and stare at the guard.

He smiles softly, throwing me off.

"My name is Poe. I am a pilot for the Resistance," he introduces himself.

I finally speak up. "So they let pilots interrogate prisoners?"

He chuckles. "One, this isn't an interrogation. And, two, I am mostly a pilot. That's my favorite part at least."

I just look at him.

He motions to my weapons on the table, "where did you get light sabers like those?"

"I made them."

"Why?"

"My Master taught me how to make them and required me to have them."

"Who is your master?" he asks leaning forward. He isn't being pushy, just curious.

"I think you already know the answer to that question," I reply slowly.

"You don't look like the First Order, to me."

"And you don't look like an radical insurgent, but here we are."

"Got a name?" he asks lifting his eyebrows.

"Jax Ren."

"Like Kylo Ren?" he asks calmly, yet I see a hint of fear hidden very far in his eyes.

"You've met him, I see."

He purses his lips and looks away from me.

"So you are a Sith?" he finally asks. "The group of legends and myths."

"I am a Knight of Ren."

"Why did you choose that?"

I look at him. A knot grows in my chest.

"I didn't."

Now he looks at me.

We are both quiet. I watch as he begins to nod slowly.

"Well, the Commander would like to see you now, I am sure," he says standing up. "I just needed to make sure you didn't seem homicidal towards us."

I shrug.

He notes my indifference and nods.

"Well, come on then," he says motioning to the guards. They lead me down a hallway. I know I still smell strongly of fuel.

"So who is the Commander?" I ask nonchalantly while I follow Pilot Poe.

He doesn't look back at me.

"You'll find out in two seconds."

He is snarky. I like him. Too bad he is on the side of insurgents and radicals.

We enter a busy room. A lot of Resistance and Republic people are at screens and tables working on plans or whatnot. I'd make mental notes for Snoke, but I am a worthless tool to him now. I allowed myself to be caught. He probably knows it. I hope E-Ako isn't punished.

I am lost in my thoughts when the guards push me to a stop. I look up from the floor.

"Commander, this is Jax Ren," Poe introduces me.

I stare at the Commander.  
 _  
Jaina's mom...Commander Leia Organa._

She just looks at me. I can feel her using some of the force. _How powerful would she have been if she had been trained?_

"Jax Ren?" she asks softly. She is probably trying to see if I will tell her my original name.

I blink, and involuntarily nod.

She swallows tears, "I thought you were dead."

I try to react, but nothing is working. I really just want to tell her that I am. I am dead.

She doesn't seem to care. She doesn't care about any of it. And right in front of the entire room of her soldiers and friends and those who know her best, she hugs a First Order prisoner.

I just stand there. Realizing all of the things we have in common. We are about the same height. We have the same brown hair color. And suddenly, I hate the shackles on my arms. I want to hug her back.

I open my mouth to say something.

"I am sorry," she says before I can.

That is all I have ever wanted to hear. From anyone, it would have been nice, but to hear it from her meant so much more. I lean my forehead on her shoulder as my back starts to shake as the tears hit me again.

For the first time in my life, I have been given a choice. I have been given an opportunity to decide what side I want to be on.

Problem is, I don't know how to make a decision.

But I just stay there and let her hold me. Even if it could be the last time.


	5. Chapter Four - Picking Sides

**Good Evening, Friends. Thank you Becky80 and Jotunn Princess for your reviews! I am happy to know someone is enjoying my little rabbit trail of the Star Wars universe.**

 **I am testing out the waters to see just how much inner conflict we need to see from Jax/Jaina...**

 **Either way, enjoy Chapter Four:)**

 **May the Force be with you.**

* * *

I stand under the comforting stream of warm water. Shortly after Poe introduced me to my own mother, she had me released for a shower to wash all of the fuel off of me. My skin was starting to get irritated and red from the chemicals.

Now, the warm shower adds even more to my comfort of being here. Strange how I had not realized how uptight I had been even at "home" with the Knights of Ren. I am technically a prisoner here and somehow feel safer.

I still cannot view them as being on my side. The logic of Supreme Leader Snoke and the First Order still plague my thoughts. Despite that, I was raised here in this world. I am from the side of the Republic and the Rebel Alliance. I _am_ the daughter of _the_ war heroes.

I wonder if I will ever know which side to choose. Do I have to? Can I just be part of both from afar? Never fully have to pick?

Can someone be both dark and light?

In my studies of ancient Jedi and Sith history, I saw many cases of force sensitive people not choosing a side. One occurred not that long ago. Between the fall of the Jedi during Order 66, and the defeat of the Galactic Empire, Darth Vader had a secret apprentice dubbed Starkiller. His real name was Galen Marek. Trained as a Sith, like me, but later he chose to include Jedi ways as well and choose his own destiny. He had both the mind of peace and love, but could still use force powers like rage and lightning. He was both. As history names him, he was a Dark Jedi. After finally escaping the Galactic Empire and the Emperor, he faded away finding some good place to hide out the rest of his life.

I could do that. I could get on my ship and head as far out as I know, and then keep going.

I close my eyes and can only see my mother. Her eyes are full of so much love…and sadness.

 _How could Kylo do it? How could he kill someone who loves him?_

Maybe I will never understand. I have killed plenty of people. Probably reaching into an unforgiving amount…but I could _never_ kill my parents.

And maybe that is why I am so conflicted. Wouldn't leaving her again break her heart all over? She has been through a lot. Just like me. The Knights of Ren may have strange ways, but they are loyal in a weird way.

I turn the shower off abruptly, trying to just clear my head of all of these thoughts.

I step out of the shower. The female guard stands nearby making sure that I don't make a run for it. I wish I cared that I am naked, but I don't.

After drying off, I put on the outfit they gave me. A simple pair of cargo pants, a pull-over shirt, and a jacket. I reach my same old boots and slip them on. I don't have any of my weapons or gear. I feel so light.

I walk over to the guard.

"I'm done," I say to her while I quickly pull my brown hair into a braid.

She nods, "back to the command center, then."

The guard snaps a pair of handcuffs on me. This time my hands get to hang in front and they aren't too tight.

I am led down the hall. These halls are endlessly spread out underground.

We reach the command center. Everyone awkwardly looks up at me from their work, probably still very confused from the hug and tear fest from earlier. I just look at them, making it worse.

I walk up to were my mother and Poe stand looking over some maps and building plans.

I see some plastic shipping containers nearby being packed with different equipment from the command center.

Poe sees me observing the packing.

I look up at him.

He tilts his head.

"Moving?" I ask.

He rubs his chin trying to decide if he can answer that.

Leia looks at me. She gives quick nod, "can we trust you?"

I just answer plainly, "no."

Poe speaks up. "Either way, this base is about to be empty. That means we have to take you with us to one of the many locations this operation is being transferred to."

"Because the First Order knows you're here?" I ask.

Poe nods, "yes."

"So where does that leave me? I _am_ the First Order. Anywhere you take me or tell me about could, and probably will, be taken from me the second they get me back-," I say.

I stop midsentence when Leia raises her hand calmly. "We will solve that when it happens. And they won't get you back, we will do our best to keep you safe."

"What if she decides to go back?" Poe says. Again. His voice is never accusatory. Normally, that question probably would have offended me. But his manner of asking it makes me understand just how much he cares for his cause and the safety of his people. "No offense, Jax."

I shrug sadly, "it makes sense."

He really looks at me this time, "you would go back?"

I swallow, "I don't know. I cannot explain it to you. But if you were raised one way, then taught a completely different story over and over again until the first version of your life is so far away, it is unreachable, which life would you choose?"

"The one I understood best," Poe answers slowly with a nod.

I give a slight smile, "exactly."

Poe just looks at me working hard to think through all of this.

"You know, I have a friend I think you should meet. He used to be a Stormtrooper," Poe says. "It might be good for you to have someone that understands your side a little better."

"A stormtrooper? Escaped?" I ask in shock.

"Well, you did," Leia says.

"I was more or less captured," I say pulling habitually on my slightly destroyed ear.

Poe motions to me, "come on, I will introduce you to Finn."

I look at Leia as if I need her approval.

She smiles...sadly and nods.

"So what are your thoughts so far on being here and seeing your...mother?" Poe asks while we walk out of the command center.

Strange how I have gone years maybe speaking five words to people, except for Snoke and the Knights, and suddenly here I have to actually find words to describe my thoughts. I have people truly interested in me, not just how I can help them accomplish the neverending list of task needed to take over the galaxy.

"I am afraid I don't know how to talk to her or what to even say," I explain quietly. "And then, if she finds out who I really am, would she even..."

I look at him just hoping that he gets what I am trying to say.

He nods at me and gives a sincere smile.

"Commander Organa is one of the most understanding and caring people I know," Poe says. And I believe him.

I remember some childhood moments with her. Always sweet and loving.

"With the most messed up families of all time," I say.

Poe laughs deeply making his whole face light up in a way I have never seen anyone do.

He must see my reaction.

"So, what happened to your ear?" he asks trying too change the subject for my sake.

"Training," I reply quickly.

"For what?" he asks curiously.

I am quiet.

"I'm sorry. I am trying to make you feel better, not worse, but it isn't working out like I'd hoped," he says rubbing the back of his neck.

"It's okay, really. I just...People won't understand what it is like. I have learned so much. I am a powerful assassin who can wield two sabers and travel the universe, and yet I am a slave to those who taught all of it to me. I never really _chose_ it, but it is what I was dealt, and there will always be some level of loyalty to it all that I will struggle with."

Poe nods, "Okay. You say what you want me to know, and I will do my best to see it the way you do. Deal?"

I nod, "I will try to do the same. So to answer your question, the training exercise was to teach me to call Kylo, Kylo, and not Ben."

Poe starts to open his mouth, then stops himself. "We will finish this certain talk later, Finn is in here."

We walk into a large room, look a bit like a medical room or something.

"He had a lightsaber injury. He just woke up about 7 hours ago. They have started some rehab to make sure his back stays strong," Poe says.

"Hey Finn!" Poe says excitedly when he sees Finn is standing up.

They give each other a hug.

"So Finn, this is..."

Finn's eyes link with mine.

"Jax."

"I don't know you, but you must know me," I say feeling awkward.

"Why are you here?"

I lift up my handcuffed wrists.

"She is just walking around?" Finn ask Poe, looking really confused.

"It's complicated, Finn," Poe says with a slight chuckle.

"Jax Ren is _the_ killer for Snoke."

I glare at him.

"Yeah, and you were lucky enough to just be a Stormtrooper and not live under the same roof as Snoke. So don't act better," I say defensively stepping towards Finn.

He takes a step back looking offended himself. "I didn't chose to be a Stormtrooper."

"And I didn't chose to be his assassin!" I scream out suddenly.

I take a step back. And stare at the floor waiting for any kind of punishment.

They are both just silent.

Poe speaks up finally, "Finn, Jax is the daughter of Commander Organa and Han Solo. Um, Kylo covered up his taking of her from their parents. They assumed she was dead."

I just sit down on the floor feeling very tired all of the sudden.

"Look, I am sorry, Jax. I just really was trying to not have too many more run-ins with the Knights of Ren for a while," Finn says softly. "I never expected to see you here. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. These people took me in without any doubts, and I should try to do the same."

I look up at him and just nod.

"You look beat, I will go see if we have a bed somewhere for you," Poe says helping me up off the ground.

I shake my head.

"Don't leave me alone. Could I just sleep on the floor of the control room or something?"I asks. The fear in my voice is obvious.

Poe smiles softly, "sure, that sounds easy enough."

I lay down on the little makeshift bed I fashioned from some pillows and blankets Poe found for me.

The busy control room noise is my best idea to keep from having nightmares or allowing Snoke to find my consciousness.

I pull the covers over me.

Leia walks over from her work.

"Can I sit with you?" she asks quietly.

I just nod, happy to have company.

She sits down right next to me. I shift around and hand her a pillow to prop her back up against.

I just watch her as she looks at me. It is a silent exchange of all the things we want the other to know, but have no idea how to say.

My eyes flutter closed and I sleep better than I have in years.


	6. Chapter Five - I Keep Asking Why?

**Happy weekend to you all.**

 **Sorry for the late chapter update, lots of working these past few days. (Thank you Shanshay for the review!)**

 **Alright, time to see what happens next to Jax.**

* * *

 _"So, how much do you really know about Jax Ren?" Poe asks Finn._

 _Finn shifts uncomfortably and looks around before answering._

 _He leans forward. "Her mercenary, bounty hunter name is Rikka."_

 _Poe shows an obvious knowledge of this name."Rikka?"_

 _Poe sighs and leans back in his chair._

 _"Any individual that the First Order found necessary for termination, was handed to Jax. The target could be anyone, former First Order agents, old war heroes, Republic officers, you name it."_

 _Poe sits there absorbing the information...probably hating himself for being so nice to her. He has heard of Rikka. The silent bounty hunter._

 _"There were rumors among the officers that she was able to turn invisible and had other strange abilities that helped her complete assignments," Finn whispers. "Phasma never liked when Jax was around."_

 _"Jax."_

 _Snoke's voice breaks through._

 _"Kill them."_

 _Suddenly, it feels as though someone is choking me._

 _"Kill them now. Or die yourself."_

I scream out in response and suddenly realize I am sitting up. I look around as my chest heaves. A few people still in the command center look at me.

I close my eyes trying to figure out what that was. _Was it a dream? A vision of the future? What?_

The worst fear hits me.

 _Snoke knows I am here_.

"Jax," a soft voice breaks into my panic.

I fling my eyes open to find Leia is still sitting there. She must have fallen asleep and I just jolted her out of it.

I just look at her.

I reach up and rub my face the best I can with handcuffs on. I am about to answer her when Poe enters the room quickly. He strides over to Leia.

"Commander, I need to talk to you," he says, clearly trying to avoid looking in my direction.

"Yes?" she answers tiredly.

"Alone," Poe emphasizes.

Leia motions for him to help her up. That is when it hits me. My mother...is getting older, and I know nothing about her really.

I sigh and lean back on the wall.

A few days ago, before the Force had its new awakening, my life was simple. Sleep. Train. Kill. Repeat. I had become so used to that life, that I never questioned it. What made the Force change?

The command center suddenly is disturbed by an alarm.

Poe runs into the room and grabs me up off the ground before I can ask any questions.

"Get moving," he says gruffly. I stumble over my feet and look back at him.

"Looks like your friends want you back," he says angrily. "And they somehow know exactly where we are."

He pushes me down the hall. I keep my mouth shut wondering what is going to happen to me now. I am probably about to be handed back over to the First Order.

I start calculating what I can do to escape both sides. Or maybe, if I just willingly go with the First Order, I can return without any trouble.

"Don't try anything," Poe says as he continues to lead me through the bustling halls.

"Like what?" I ask.

"Like reaching into anyone's minds or force magic stuff," he says.

He must have really had that conversation with Finn...I find myself pondering. Maybe that is how the First Order found me, Snoke was reaching out to me.

"Get off your high horse," I mumble.

That makes him mad.

He pushes me up against the wall like the proper prisoner I am. I don't flinch. This isn't anything new.

"Don't act like we are the same," Poe says.

"Kylo really got to you, didn't he?" I ask, my voice laced with anger. "Imagine being trained that way. The only way to survive is to follow orders, and don't act like I have the world's longest list of killings. How many _Finns_ have you killed in this war?"

I watch the flurry of emotions on his face.

I continue. "No, we are just both puppets. So please save me the pleasantries and diplomacy. If you hate me, hand me back to _them_. They'll take care of me for you."

The lights flicker and the ground shakes. This pulls Poe out of this conflict and puts him into battle mode.

Then, I feel him. E-Ako is here somewhere.

"E-Ako." I say out loud. I freeze, refusing to follow Poe anymore.

Poe turns, "E-what?"

"E-Ako, he snuck onto this planet using my ship to do recon for Snoke. He is Sith-trained and very dangerous."

"More than you?" he asks with a rude smirk.

I narrow my eyes at him.

"I'll let you find out on your own," I say waving my handcuffed hands up.

He rolls his eyes and grabs a nearby officer, "take this prisoner to _The Approacher._ She is assigned to that transport."

The officer nods at his new orders and grabs my shoulder pulling me with him. We weave through the halls and enter a large hanger bay. Leia is busy giving orders as supplies are loaded into the large transport. The ground vibrates slightly as an explosion rocks the surface somewhere nearby.

Then I see _him_. E-Ako slips behind some boxes. I don't know if I am his target or if Leia is. Either way, I want her safe.

I quickly and expertly shake loose from the officer, and sprint to Mom.

"Get on board _now_!" I call out to Mom and her guards.

I grab a guard the best I can with my bounded hands, "get the Commander out of here now."

That is when E-Ako makes his appearance. Even though I cannot see his face or his emotions, his stance shows his anger.

" _Traitor_!" he calls out.

I turn to him. I can hear Leia behind me trying to escape her guards to help me, but they know better. They know they need to get her out of harm's way."

I look over my shoulder at her. I give her a nod. Then, I run at E-Ako. If I am going to die now, I am taking him with me. If Mom survives, maybe the universe can still find some hope.

He ignites his curved sabers that outline his fists.

I hold up my handcuffs.

"What are you going to do, E-Ako?" I challenge him.

He is quiet. This is what has become of us. Everything made sense a week ago. Then, everything changed.

We are the closest thing to family either one of us has had in years. E-Ako chose to be a Knight of Ren, but even now, I wonder if he regrets his decision. Both of us have always seemed to be the oddballs. We follow our orders, just not as enthusiastic as the rest.

"What are _you_ going to do?" I ask again.

He tilts his head.

Then, his electronic voice speaks up, "remove a traitorous prisoner."

I swallow hard. So much for loyalty in the Knights of Ren.

"Please, go ahead," I say sadly.

He takes a deep breath. I know the type of conflict that must be happening in his head. I felt that yesterday. I just came to a different conclusion.

He yells out as her charges at me. I ready myself.

I gotta stretch this out as long as I can, to give Mom time to escape.

He swings at me. I perfectly time my movement to have the chain between my handcuffs sliced.

I use a force push to push him away from me.

He grunts angrily and charges me again. I flip over him and kick him in the back.

We keep up this dumb version of fighting for as long as I can evade him and annoy him. I look at the _Approacher,_ it hasn't even started its launching procedures.

 _Get out of here_ , I think to myself.

That split second of distraction gives E-Ako a good slice at my forearm.

Dammit, I forgot how bad light sabers hurt.

I dodge his next swing feeling frustrated that I don't have my own sabers. And that E-Ako thinks this is a fair fight.

He is getting angrier the more I dodge.

"Hey!" I suddenly hear Poe yell out. A blaster is fired at E-Ako, distracting him from me for a moment. That is when I see Poe standing there with a guard, who is holding my light saber hilts.

I reach my hands out calling them to me. In a single second, they are in my hands. _Finally._

I activate them.

E-Ako turns to me as a smirk appears on my face.

Now, we are really able to duel. I don't know how long the sabers strike each other. My arms start to tire, especially the one he already swiped at.

My saber chips his shoulder making him very mad.

As he backs away from me, he throws one of his sabers at me. It hits the side of my rib cage.

I fall to my knees crying out.

He runs at me calling his saber back, as it flies by me it hits my shoulder and cheek.

I set my jaw and jump up suddenly immune to my pain. Rage and anger fill me just like I was trained to do. I flip over him. I use the Force to suddenly slow time. My rage gives me the right opportunity to finish E-Ako. I slice the components of his mask that hold it together. He falls to the ground struggling to breath as the mask falls off. Time is still slow as I land behind him, my white saber slices at his back.

Time enters its normal speed again.

Anger and sadness hit me like a high speed bullet.

"Dammit!" I scream out as I turn my sabers off. I throw the hilts on the ground next to E-Ako in a rampage.

"Why?!" I question of him. Tears are rapidly streaming down my face.

I kick his body as sobs hit me.

I fall to my knees and look at his face. He looks peaceful. I can see the scars that represent that damage within that made his mask neccesary. My chest heaves strongly.

I just continue to ask him why. _Why is this our destiny? To fight for a man who wants us to be loyal, but allows us to destroy one another without any kind of mercy when someone screws up...why? What am I loyal to?_

I lean forward on my hands.

"I'm sorry, E-Ako."

Someone grabs me from behind and pulls me along as the ground shakes. This explosion is closer than all the others. More alarms blare in my ears.

"Leave me!" I demand.

No one responds.

That is what I deserve. Silence.

I don't exactly know how our transport made it off D'Qar. But we do.

The ship has stopped somewhere safe, probably an agreed meeting place for all of the escaping transports from D'Qar. I just sit there on the ground with my knees pulled to my chest. I can feel some blood trickling down from my rib cage. I cannot feel the pain though.

I don't know how much time passes before someone remembers I am there.

Leia comes over and leans down to try and get my attention.

"I wish you had left me," I say quietly, not really looking at her. My own voice sounds distance. Shock.

"You know that I cannot do that."

"But you should. I only know how to kill. Even..." I choke on some emotion, "those I care about."

Suddenly, some nurses or doctors help me up. The movement makes me yell out feeling the pain in my side. They lead me over to a sort of medical area in the corner and sit me on a exam table. Leia stands close by, watching as they remove my jacket and shirt to properly examine my shoulder and side.

I can see her face react to my injuries. Not just the ones from today. I have ugly scars covering my entire body. The medical team pauses to collect their bearings, then they remember to work on the new injuries.

Poe walks in to say something to Leia. Then he turns to look at me.

I just stare at my hands not wanting to see any pity.

"Lift your arms, please."

I slowly lift them not wanting to make my shoulder hurt worse.

I grimace as some antiseptic is applied to the wound on my ribs.

Then they careful and tight wrap some bandages around my mid-section.

"Okay, you can lower them."

It doesn't take too long, but eventually I am all bandaged.

Poe walks over. His face isn't readable.

I glare at him.

"You picked me up, didn't you?" I ask softly.

He nods.

Next thing I know, I am on top of him. The air knocked out of him as I slam him straight into the ground.

"You should have left me! I _asked_ you to leave me!" I yell as I am perched on top of him, his collar bunch in my fists.

"I couldn't," he says softly.

"Why?" I say shaking his collar as tears enter my eyes. "I wanted to die. Why couldn't you let me?"

Guards approach me, pulling me off of him.

He is quickly up on his feet and looks me in the eyes. Like despite what he actually sees when he looks at me, he can see something better.

"Because, you were right. And _you_ deserve a second chance. A new life. Don't be another wasted victim, Jax," Poe states.

I just look at him. There is that opportunity coming around again, to be able to make a decision...I stop fighting. A guard is about to snap some handcuffs on me.

"Those won't be necessary anymore," Leia says quickly to the guard. Then she turns to me, "right, Jax?"

I just nod trying to really soak up everything.

Leia helps me up off the ground. Then she just holds me. I wrap my arms around her.

"I'm scared," I whisper in her ear.

She softly rubs my back, "me too."

I pull away and nod at her. I reach for my shirt on the table and slip it on over my head.

"Commander Organa, the entire fleet is here. Awaiting your orders," a guard says entering the room easing the tension immediately.

"Send every ship to their original deployment. We have not been compromised yet," she says with a nod and such authority.

The guard nods and runs back out of the room.

Leia turns to me. "I think where we are headed will be very beneficial to you, Jax."

I sit down on the exam table and run my hand over my haphazard braid.

"Where is that?" I ask wanting something to bring a little hope.

"You are going to see your uncle again."

I look at Leia. I feel something in me actually lighten up a little.

"And Rey," she says with a smile. "Your cousin."

That gets a smile...even from me.

* * *

 **End of Chapter Four.**

 **So yeah, I am going with the theory that Rey is Luke's daughter. We will see in 2017 if that was a good theory to follow...**

 **But yeah. Jax has a lot of turmoil. I don't want to ever fully degrade either sides of Star Wars, so it'll be interesting to see where Jax ends up in the end.**

 **Any other characters you would like to see Jax run into? (Oh hey...BB-8 probably needs to make an appearance...)**


	7. Chapter Six - Feeling Hope Again

"So, he really killed Dad?" I ask quietly breaking the calm silence of space.

Mom looks up at me. We are the only two sitting in this room except for Poe carefully watching over the commander from the other side of the room. Mom and I are sitting around a table having just finished a meal. I had not realized how long it had been since I had eaten until the food was sat down in front of us.

Mom nods slowly.

I pull on my ear and nod in response.

"So," I start, "what was it like when...we were gone?"

Mom purses her lips probably working hard to find the words.

"We both just went back to what we knew best. We always loved one another, it was just...we didn't work hard to stay a team when our children were gone. So, I worked hard to build an opposition to the First Order, and Han returned to smuggling," she says leaning forward on her hand. She shakes her head, "We really thought you were dead. I am sorry. When...Han found your lightsaber left behind and cut in half, we just assumed the worst. After everything the Knights of Ren had done that night, it didn't seem hard to believe."

I look at her and find myself remembering all of the loss she has had. Her home planet was destroyed along with her adoptive family, her real mother was killed by her real father, her father died, her son turned dark, and her brother disappeared. Despite all of this, she still...fights. She still believes in what she is doing.

I reach across the table and take her hand in mine.

"I am sorry too," I say.

She opens her mouth to deny my apology's necessity.

"I am sorry that you were given this. You are brave and strong," I say firmly and shake my head, "Kylo has been made to think you are weak, and he used to make me believe that."

Mom looks at me with a tiredness in her eyes.

"I still have a lot to figure out," I say rubbing my head with my other hand. "But...something happened about a week ago that completely changed the force inside me. I cannot explain it, but before that change, I was dead. Or at least might as well have been. I want to figure this all out, and I want to learn who I really am. Am I Jax only? Or is there still some Jaina in here?"

"Either way, I will always love you," Mom says giving my hand a soft squeeze.

I believe her. And I know that she even still loves Kylo...or well, Ben.

I nod at her struggling to find the words to say that I love her back. Love. A concept that seems so distant from my understanding. But I think the fact that I would die for her, means I love her somewhere beyond my understanding.

"I...I love you too," I say, "I just need to learn exactly what that means...to love."

A soft beeping break my eye contact with Mom. I look across the room as a BB unit rolls into the room. It is talking happily to Poe who looks apologetic that the droid has interrupted our serious conversation.

"Beebee ate," Poe starts to get on to the droid.

I stand up and walk over to the droid unit. He turns and looks at me.

"BB8?" I ask the droid.

It replies with a hello in beeps.

I smile at him and bend down so I can properly look at him.

"I used to have a really good friend that was a BB unit like you. But he was green."

The droid beeps happily and then asks what happened to him.

"I let him escape when we were on a distant planet," I say quietly. "He didn't much like the hunting we did, so I let him leave and find a better life. Hopefully."

BB8 beeps sadly but then tells me that was very nice.

I nod sadly.

"That's love, Jax," Poe says quietly.

I look up at him.

"I heard you tell Commander that you want to learn what it is, I think you already know. Letting him go, that was love for your friend," Poe explains.

I nod and then smile. I turn back to BB8 and pat the side of his head.

He beeps happily saying he likes me.

I laugh, "the feeling is mutual, buddy."

* * *

I step off the transport following my mom and her posse. BB8 is right next to my feet beeping to me random facts about this planet's weather and geography.

"Do we know where Rey and Luke are?" Finn asks out loud.

Mom nods, "we received a recent scrambled communication from the marketplace in this specific village. They are hiding somewhere in the city. I am hoping that my brother will be able to tell that I have arrived."

We enter a busy marketplace. I have been in this city before. So now, I know what planet we are on.

"Dammit," I mumble.

Poe looks at me questioningly.

"I have been here before," I say softly.

"And?"

"And if Snoke sneaks into my mind again, he will know where we are," I say feeling frustrated that even this far away, he still has control over me.

"Can you keep him out?" Poe asks.

"I am most vulnerable when I am asleep," I reply.

"Well, you have to sleep."

"Maybe not, how long will we be here?" I ask.

"Not sure, a week maybe."

I nod. I have gone that long before. I use a lot of meditation to power through a week without sleep.

Poe obviously knows what I am thinking. "Hey, you can't do that."

"I can try. I'm not going to let them find me again, whatever it takes."

"Are you afraid they will kill you?"

"Worse," I shake my head. "I am afraid of what they will do to me to have me rejoin."

My brain thinks back to all of the sessions that made me a loyal Knight. All the tricks placed on my mind.

"They really can do whatever they want to your mind, can't they?" Poe asks quietly.

"That's what they did to you, right?" I ask quietly in return.

"Kylo, yeah."

"He is very well-trained in that area of the Force. That's his specialty."

"What's yours?"

"Silence."

I think about the one year of my life that I never once had to say a word.

I shake my head and change the subject.

"Sorry about tackling you earlier," I say.

"Caught me off guard, that's for sure. You're pretty strong for your height," Poe says with a smirk.

"Is that a short joke?"

"Maybe," Poe says.

I chuckle. It feels so good and actually natural to joke around with someone.

We enter a small restaurant. The owner leads us through some back hallways of this building complex.

I stop in my tracks as a yell enters my ear. I look around. Everyone continues walking as if they didn't hear it.

" _BBEENNN! SSTOOOPPPP!"_ a voice yells out.

Poe turns to look back at me.

My heart starts to race.

 _"BBEEEENNN PPLEEASSE!"_ it is my own voice, from years ago.

I feel my mind fading from the present.

"No," I say defiantly clenching my fists.

There is a distinct pull. It is Kylo...wherever he is currently...pulling at my mind.

I take off running.

"I'm sorry! It's Kylo!" I yell out over my shoulder. I just run trying to create distance between me and them. I have no idea what he might trick me into doing nor what mind tricks might influence them through me.

Kylo knows exactly how to turn my own mind against me. It is his unfair advantage from being my brother.

My vision blurs. Then I am thrown to the ground.

I grab my forehead trying to build up a defense using the force.

" _Jax, stop fighting_ ," his voice enters my head. He sounds calm...caring.

"No," I murmur. My body slides across the floor into the wall.

"NO!" I finally yell with confidence.

I slide across the floor into the other wall.

"Stop!" I hear another female voice enter the space. Her demand is felt by the Force...completely kicking Kylo out of my mind.

I sit up against the wall. My vision works to be clear again.

I work on breathing normal. It is astounding how much Kylo can change when he reaches in.

I close my eyes wondering who the woman was that intervened.

"You okay?" that same woman asks.

I open my eyes in shock realizing that she is in the hallway with me.

She looks a little younger than me. I just look at her for two seconds before it registers that I know her.

"Rey?" I ask quietly.

"Do I know you?" she asks furrowing her eyebrows.

I smile slightly still trying to catch my breath. I nod.

"You used to," I say softly. "You used to know the old me."

She holds out her hand and I take it gladly. She helps me up.

"I was just sent to find you. I could hear Kylo talking to you, so you weren't too hard to find."

"Thanks for kicking him out," I say. "I hope he didn't figure out where we are."

Rey nods. She looks good. Taller than me. Strong built. Skinny like me. Clearly both of us were not fed too much growing up.

"I am Jax," I say. Then, I shake my head, "well, you knew me as Jaina."

She observes me. Her eyes stare at me like she is trying really hard to remember.

"Apparently, most of my memory was swiped when I was young," she admits.

I nod, "I know the feeling. Mine just recently came back."

That is when I know. I know that Rey is who changed the Force.

Something on my face must have shown my realization.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"You," I start but stutter through my words. "You, you changed the balance."

"What?"

I am suddenly hugging her.

"I always knew you would be strong, but wow," I say suddenly.

"Rey," a deep voice interrupts us.

I turn to see my uncle standing there.

His eyes widen, " _Jaina_?"

I nod.

I am about to tell him my new name when Mom comes around the corner. Her and her brother stare at one another in silence probably searching for all the apologies they think they need to say. Finn comes running up with Poe and BB8 in tow.

"Rey!"

"Finn!"

I watch as they embrace one another in a hug.

"You're okay," Rey says softly as she holds onto him.

I observe the love, or the emotions, they have for one another. It is so subtle, but there.

I am distracted by someone softly touching my shoulder.

I turn to see Poe.

"Hey, you okay?"

I touch my forehead still feeling the aftermath of Kylo's intrusion.

"I am sorry I ran like that. I am just so afraid of what they might trick me into doing. I didn't want to hurt all of you," I say quietly.

"Well, it will be okay. We are used to danger," Poe says with a reassuring smile. "Luke and Rey could probably really help you."

I nod.

"We could use your help to," Poe says reaching into one of the pockets of his pants. He holds out my two, small, light saber hilts.

I look over to see if Mom thinks this is a good idea. She is busy greeting Luke and Rey.

I turn back to Poe nodding some more. "Thank you, Poe."

"I figure that I can trust you with those. If you wanted to hurt us by now, you wouldn't need them," he says smiling.

I observe Leia, Luke and Rey talking. They are _my_ family. My family...a phrase I thought had become extinct in my life. I smile to myself. For the first time, in a really long time, I can feel hope.

* * *

 **Hope you all enjoyed the new chapter. Sorry that they are always kind of short. I'm trying to update more often instead of keeping anyone waiting.**

 **May the force be with you.**


	8. Chapter Seven - Jaina Became Jax

**Grad school catches up with you at the semester end. Sorry for such a delay on a new chapter. (The delay did give me plenty of time to brainstorm, however.)**

 **Thank you for the reviews so far! My dear Jax has a lot to remember and piece together.**

* * *

 _I follow Kylo down the winding hallways of the now desolate rebel base. All the rebel soldiers and refugees have been moved to larger ares to be processed as prisoners of the First Order_.

 _I stay quiet. Kylo is my training master when we are away from Supreme Leader Snoke._

 _"Today is one of your last lessons, Jaina," he says in front of me with his deep, mechanical voice._

 _I quietly reply, "yes, Kylo."_

 _We enter a small room. The furniture has been tossed to one side, piled against the wall. A man is on his knees bound tightly in restraints with four storm troopers surrounding him._

 _"Calrissian," Kylo says slowly._

 _The man gives an unpleasant smirk in Kylo's direction. Then his gaze trails to me. I can see some kind of recognition in his eyes._

 _"Jaina?" he asks suddenly looking oddly happy._

 _I just blink trying to decide if I have ever met this man._

 _"You're alive?" he just keeps going, seeming to overjoyed to find me._

 _"Do I know you?" I ask abruptly._

 _He immediately snaps his gaze to Kylo, "what did you do to her?"_

 _Kylo doesn't move, "I rescued her from the traitorous and evil scum that is the republic."_

 _Calrissian looks furious, "you have no right to her! You betrayed your family. You lost that privilege. Jaina should be home with her parents who love and miss both of you."_

 _"They were weak, so we found a better life."_

 _"You mean you found an easier one, and took Jaina with you because you are the weak one."_

 _I can see Kylo's shoulders tense up at that. I instinctively flinch._

 _"And our parents are dead," Kylo says._

 _I just stare at him. How many times has he tried to convince me of this and yet, I know that he lies._

 _"Wishful thinking, Ben," Calrissian says purposely trying to anger Kylo more._

 _I expect Kylo to whip out his saber and kill this man right then._

 _"Jaina, time for your last lesson. Then you will be able to begin your own missions," Kylo says turning to me, completely ignoring Calrissian._

 _I look at Kylo's mask._

 _"Find out some information about the rebel bases near this one, then kill him," Kylo says._

 _He leans down. "Don't fail." He says it with such finality that I immediately can guess the consequences if I fail._

 _I can feel my heart pounding in my chest._

 _Kylo leaves the room, the storm troopers follow._

 _I am left staring at Calrissian._

 _"Jaina, you don't have to be like them. Tell me, what happened that day?"_

 _"I don't know you. Why do you know me?"_

 _"I am one of your parents' closest friends. I fought along side them in the wars," he explains._

 _"I don't remember my parents. Kylo says they were failures and thieves."_

 _"You used to call me Uncle Lando. But when you were really little, you called me Wando," he says looking nostalgic._

 _I swallow. Maybe the blur of a memory flashes before my eyes, but it hurts and fights with what I know._

 _I hold my hand to my temple._

 _Calrissian must see he has made some kind of effect in helping me remember._

 _"You loved sitting in your dad's lap when he flew the Millennium Falcon. It took him months to get you to remember all of the controls, but once you did, you could fly that ship better than Chewie."_

 _My head hurts and yet I do remember these things. How far are they buried?_

 _"Your mom used to braid your hair with little flowers. You loved it."_

 _"Stop," I say raising my hand in surrender._

 _"Jaina, your parents aren't dead!" he yells like he doesn't care if he lives or dies, but that maybe one day we all will be reunited._

 _"Shut up!" I yell reaching out towards him with a force choke._

 _He closes his eyes trying to suck in any air he can._

 _"I need to think, and you are talking too much," I say feeling angry. Not necessarily at him. Just angry._

 _"All I know is my name is Jaina. My brother rescued me from the Jedi massacre and is now training me. My family is dead, all of them. Kylo is all I have left."_

 _"No," Calrissian chokes out._

 _I let go of him._

 _The door opens. Kylo walks in._

 _"Jaina, stop listening to these liars and cheaters. They want disorder and hate us. They hate everything we stand for."_

 _I nod. This is what I was educated about. I was told that the rebels would try to pull me to their side._

 _"You're angry," Kylo says._

 _I am angry. I have no idea with who, but my body trembles with rage._

 _"Use it," Kylo demands. Anger is laced in his voice as well. It gives me the extra fuel I need._

 _I turn to Calrissian. Fear is apparent in his eyes. Just gives me more power. The force in me feeds off of it._

 _I turn my sabers on. He looks like he contemplates fighting back, but then he just looks sad._

 _"You're family loves you both very much," he says quietly...calmly._

 _Kylo screams out, "love is a weakness! So is family!"_

 _Something about that triggers the anger in me. I just quickly slide both my sabers in an "x" direction taking Calrissian's life rather easily._

 _I just look at his limp body feeling like my emotions are draining away somewhere I will never reach. Like my inside is changing._

 _"The Supreme Leader will be very pleased. You are no longer Jaina, you are, and forever will be, Jax Ren."_

 _It was like in that moment, the changing of my names changed everything about me. That was when I truly became Jax, Snoke's assassin._

* * *

I wake with a start.

I am in a dark, safe room. No one sleeping around me stirs. I rub my face hard trying to push away the memories that keep appearing every time my body rests. With the now rapid pace of my heart, I know sleep will be even harder of an accomplishment. So I just quietly and swiftly leave the bunk room we all share in this tiny trading village. After meeting up with Luke and Rey, we all discussed the new plans around dinner. Really, like how can a group of us random misfits plan to overthrow or end the most organized government in all of the galactic history. The First Order may have received a large injury the other day with the destruction of Starkiller, but I also know that they have much more planned.

I kept my mouth shut even though there was probably some helpful information I could have shared. I still feel in some ways like a prisoner and in some ways like I still work for Snoke. It is hard to just flip a switch and change who you are. I have already done that impossible task twice. I cannot expect myself to do so again with any kind of ease.

I step out onto the roof of the inn we are staying in. The cool, night air is a contrast to this planet's sunny days. The breeze feels amazing on my skin after the nightmare.

I perch expertly on the edge of the roof and watch some of the travelers still moving around through the night. As I watch, I think back to my nightmare. Calrissian was one of my parents' closest friends. He was also the first person I killed. He was the trigger that turned me into a Knight of Ren. How can I tell my...Jaina's...my mother that I killed him? Now, I understand Kylo killing our father. It is incredible what kind of terribly strong wall is built when you kill someone you care about and who cares about you. It makes every other unrelated person you kill easier to deal with.

I am lost in my thoughts.

Then I hear someone clear their throat behind me.

I turn to see Rey. She stands there.

"Hi," I greet her quietly. "Thanks again for helping me earlier."

She nods. "You're welcome. I'm still trying to figure out how all of this works."

"The Force has endless ability, it's is just us who struggle with figuring out how to use it," I say looking back over the city.

Rey joins me on the edge of the roof.

"So, you are...Han and Leia's other child?" she finally asks.

I nod slowly.

"And a Knight of Ren?" she asks again.

"Yes."

"Still? Or like..."

"They will catch up with me eventually. I hope that when they do, none of you get caught in the crossfire."

"They don't have to catch you. We can defeat them," Rey says quietly. Her voice has this hint of hope.

"You were there. Weren't you?" I suddenly ask.

"Where?"

"You saw Kylo kill..."

"Your father."

"Han Solo."

I look over at her as she nods slowly. Rey looks solemn. Or maybe even looks somewhat broken-hearted.

"He was a good man," Rey says softly. "I didn't know him very long at all, but he was."

"Kylo says he was weak and foolish," I say mechanically. "I wouldn't really know. I had my first collection of memories return yesterday. I do not believe that Han was weak and foolish. He might have made mistakes...but don't we all?"

Rey's eyebrows furrow. "I have waited for as long as I can remember for my family to find me. Wherever they were...I figured it was important. I just had no idea how important."

I watch as a smile grows on Rey's face. Despite the apparent hope in her eyes...I see something very, very familiar: fear and anger. Those two emotions are the real enemies I will face for the rest of my life.

"Now that...I have people," Rey says quietly. "I think I have to find myself too."

"I think we both do."

* * *

 **That was a short chapter. But better than continued silence. I hate having to guess what might be occurring in episode VIII, but alas, I shall try.**

 **May the Force be with You.**


End file.
